During a recent discussion of politics and political leadership, I was surprised to hear someone express a wish for, not only character in our political leaders, but grace. The speaker didn’t elaborate nor define it, but just left it there and went on, as if it is such a common term that the rest of us would understand what was meant. Having published a blog post on that topic nearly six year ago1, I forwent weighing in. I wanted to find out whether anyone else was surprised a the seldom-heard word, or wanted to elaborate on it themselves. But the rest of the conversation concentrated on character. Nonetheless, I am glad to have heard the word so recently. It bears reconsidering.
During these turbulent times, I frequently turn to First Principles in earlier ages for some lenses though which to peer. There are some ancient words which have gone missing in our time – words seldom heard, or sometimes used inaccurately.
The loss of such words indicates the loss of the sentiment, the social background, and, most regrettably, the general anticipation of finding the quality named by the word. It is a loss of part of Life, in the same way that the death of certain species means there is less diversity in life and therefore more adaptations among those species remaining.
Grace is such a word that we seldom hear.
It is a life quality we may sometimes perceive, but not name or ponder. It is probably a word of unclear meaning. Let me try to define it.
Grace is an attitude, a quality of character. It is a person`s clear ability to allow you room for error or offence, without being troubled by it. A person with grace has enough reserve energy, self-confidence, resilience, and good humour and affability, to be in your presence in such a way that you do not feel the person is judging you, feeling differently about you, feeling threatened by you, or in anyway not well disposed toward you. Such a person is called gracious, and is said to have acted graciously.
It is also an event. I sometimes find grace in everyday life. It tends to happen in short spaces of time, is often unrecognized at the moment, and so ends before I have time to savour it. Guarding that small bit of time for grace in between all other doings, can be life-saving. It gives the heart time to beat without working under pressure and anxiety. It gives everyone time to pull back from the fray. It provides space between us so that we are not always touching or wrestling with people or problems. There should be time for grace between every new thing.
I see it sometimes in grandparents as they watch and listen to their grandchildren, or other children that age. Sometimes it is mistaken for indulgence.
In this era when religions are often experienced as harshly judgemental and exacting, it is sometimes difficult to remember that I first learned the concept of grace from my religion. Grace, rather than judgementalism, is the primary aspect of the Divine.
I remember delivering a difficult sermon one time. I had worked hard writing it and with that I was pleased; but I was disappointed in my delivery. After the service, in the greeting/exit line, one person grasped my hand, shook it strongly, looked into my eyes, and said “That must have been a very difficult one,” smiled, and went on his way. He took my work seriously, noted the disappointing delivery, but left me feeling appreciated. That was gracious.
I myself am seldom able to live out that quality of grace if it hasn’t been shown me recently. Things must be going really well in a very calm way for me to feel it within myself. The ever-quickening pace; the competitiveness; the lack of time to think and come to terms with the morality and ethics of recent actions and thoughts; the common harshness of conversation and speech – all these mitigate against the pause that is often the time-span of grace. Being robbed of sufficient time for informed consent, I have difficulty finding grace.
There might be more opportunities for grace if we had fewer but fuller conversations – conversations which are not simply exchanges of information (so often the way among males especially), but respectfully attentive to what is being said, how it is being said, and some enquiry about what is going on in the other person’s life. We need pauses in time and action to experience grace. Perhaps we think of grace as primarily a Divine quality because we believe that the Divine can tune in to what is going on within us without the necessity of that pause.
As a clergy, I have spent many hours ill people and their families, waiting for tests or surgeries, or waiting for imminent death. I sometimes found grace in the times of silence together. Of course we prayed together, but prayer in our tradition usually engages conscious concerns and wishes, and is sometimes not a quiet process. A time of grace was when we would simply experience together what there was and what there wasn’t at the moment, with no sense of anxiety or pressure.
I think that if people, including politicians, could live slowly enough to actually look for grace, confident that we would find it every now and then, and confident that we would be able to take the time to recognize it and breath it in, and consent to it, the harshness of our conversations and political speeches would wane. Our days would feel less threatened. We could be calmer. It would be good, don’t you think?
So I agree with the person I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I wish for politicians of character who also have grace. I wish this for other people, too, including myself.
Upon reconsidering... 